Speaker 1: 0:12

Welcome back to the Practical Spirituality Podcast. We are so excited to have you on this journey with us, where we explore all elements of mind, body, emotions and soul through the lens of everyday life.

Speaker 2: 0:29

Hello Kim.

Speaker 1: 0:31

Hello Gareth, how are you?

Speaker 2: 0:33

I'm doing good this morning. How are you doing? I'm doing well. I think this is another interesting universal topic for us to discuss.

Speaker 1: 0:40

I think so too. I think this morning we're going to talk about feeling the fear. Why did you choose this topic? Let me just ask you that question to start with.

Speaker 2: 0:49

Well, one.

Speaker 2: 0:49

As I mentioned, it's a universal experience that we all go through and I think, no matter how much you do on this journey, study yourself, explore it's that life continues to get.

Speaker 2: 1:01

Creative in creating new fears or having us explore past fears, because behind all fear is growth of understanding.

Speaker 2: 1:05

Creative in creating new fears or having us explore past fears, because behind all fear is growth of understanding self in a new way, in mind, body, emotion. So of our human experience, I think what most human beings tend to struggle with, regardless of what area it is of their life, is that if our logical mind doesn't have a basic understanding of why it exists, there's automatically going to be restrictions or blockages of our ability to process it or accept it into our lives. Even though, as we talk about often on the podcast, there's always going to be challenges. You're never going to accept anything 100, but when it's something in a societal sense it's never been discussed or talked out there's going to be more resistance than maybe there should be, especially when eight point, whatever. Billion people all experience fear in their own way and that is all unique to them. So I think just having this broader, generalized conversation about fear and the important role it plays in all of our experience is an important one.

Speaker 1: 1:58

I think the other thing that we're going to say about this is, as much as we do our best to avoid fear, it's unavoidable and that, as you were just saying, we're going to experience it throughout our whole entire life. And I've just heard a bunch of people go click, change the channel.

Speaker 2: 2:16

Switch the station Switch stations.

Speaker 1: 2:20

But seriously, I think one of the most important things to realize about the fear, like you just said, it's a universal feeling that we all feel and that it is going to come up throughout our whole entire life. Yet one of the number one things and I don't even know if we're taught this, I think it's instinctual in some ways that we, our mind wants however we want to say it is to avoid the fear.

Speaker 2: 2:47

Yep.

Speaker 1: 2:48

And it's so counterintuitive that people don't understand that in order to grow, we must feel the fear and walk through it and get to the other side to see that we're okay. Yet our instincts say avoid the fear, stay in our comfort zone and don't go anywhere.

Speaker 2: 3:21

And until we're able to acknowledge that we experience the fear, have an awareness that we're experiencing the fear or that we're triggered, or that it stops us from pursuing something, but we do not have the ability to actually acknowledge it in a way that is needed in order for us to grow from it and to grow with it, and for the fear to continue to evolve and change alongside our growth on this path.

Speaker 2: 3:42

Because, as we talk about often, there's no deleting it. We're not trying to erase any of these experiences. We're not trying to erase any of these human emotions that we all go through, but there is a reason to why it exists with us. But there's also a reason to why we don't none of us have a good relationship with fear why we try to avoid it or bury it. So that's what's interesting about it is that there's a reason behind this all, but once again, when it's never just talked out in an open discussion. You and I are both aware that it's going to be a lot of sentences or things said on this episode. That's going to sound great on paper, but in reality, we all know when we're triggered or these emotions come up. It's very strong, but we all have to start somewhere, and I always say educating the mind, both subconsciously and consciously, is always a great place to start in order to build a relationship with any part of us.

Speaker 1: 4:30

Well, I almost want to laugh at that statement, because I go. You can educate my logical mind all you want.

Speaker 2: 4:38

I've been trying.

Speaker 1: 4:40

I know you've been trying for a while, but you can educate the logical mind all you want. That doesn't change what happens inside of somebody when the fear rises to the surface and before we get too deep into it. You know the goal of feeling. The fear can be very empowering if you're able to sit back and sit through the tension of what that brings up inside of you. However, it never feels comfortable.

Speaker 2: 5:10

No, no, it's not meant to, it's not meant to by design.

Speaker 2: 5:14

The whole point of understanding the fear and wanting to explore it is continue to reduce its intensity in our system. That actually dictates our decision making and gets rid of our logical thinking fully in certain moments. So if it's an intensity as we talked about in previous episodes of an eight out of 10, that's going to actually dictate how we make decisions or what we do in certain moments, whereas if it's a three out of 10, you're still experiencing the fear, but your logical mind, your ability to make a different decision in that moment is possible. And I think this is when it comes to any of our emotions in some way. But in this particular episode, of course, we're going to be focusing on fear. And again, it's never clean, cut and simple and it's different for every person, but you have to start somewhere.

Speaker 1: 6:00

I just laugh because you know, as we both know, I have a very personal relationship with fear and have done my entire life, and so when you go, it's going to go down out of three out of 10 and it feels more easy to make a decision or move forward. I think, yeah, okay, it still never ceases to floor me when the fear hits and maybe that's because for a long time for me andbody experiences a lot of times even though you have grown and you've moved through a lot of stuff, it still feels familiar to that survival fear. So there are different levels of the fear. Like we were going to say, we've got the survival fear that we have, we have like general fear, then we have societal fear, we have that emotional and psychological fear, and so there's varying degrees of fear that we all have.

Speaker 1: 7:15

And one of the things I think that we kind of from a very young age and this is where I say it gets to be a maladaptive coping mechanism we try to avoid that fear because it feels so uncomfortable in the body and, like you said, because we're not having these conversations, we don't understand that as we move through the fear then we actually gain insight and wisdom in order to feel stronger in new circumstances. But when you've had a lot of fear to start with in early childhood, that I think you go directly to the survival fear each time fear comes up.

Speaker 2: 7:55

Which makes a lot of sense, and I think that's what can be very frustrating about the human experience, especially if you have been willing to do the journey and have spent years investing into yourself. And that's what I was saying earlier that even if you have been willing to do the journey and have spent years investing into yourself and that's what I was saying earlier that even if you get shallow and I know we're deeply simplifying this, okay, but if you have a certain fear and it wasn't eight out of ten in your system, and then you got it down to a three out of ten be able to process through it in those moments, it never ceased to amaze me how life will create a new fear that we didn't even know we had. Present day, because we're constantly being exposed to new experiences, new people and, yes, there might be links to our past, as there is for any part of us, but it's that it's an ongoing journey that's constantly unfolding, with past fears, present fears and fears still yet to come. So it's never, it's not just one thing, as we both know, or it's not simplified. It's that it's multi-layered, because we actually run way more fears than I think any of us actually understand or have ever explored.

Speaker 2: 8:54

Even though you're aware of fear getting in the way, it doesn't mean you've actually ever had the opportunity to explore. Okay, so why do I have a fear of public speaking, or a fear of failure, or a fear of being in a relationship, or a fear of not being good enough? It's like we're all aware that those fears run in us when met with life, present day. But to actually explore and understand what are the root of these and then what does that actually mean moving forward? For me, no, we haven't. A lot of us haven't had the opportunity to receive that information, for it to make a difference and that build a better relationship with fear.

Speaker 1: 9:25

And I think a lot of that comes down to understanding that the basic instinct of fear is that survival mechanism, Like it was built in many centuries ago when we were not living in the modern day society that we're living in today. It was there to keep us safe from, you know, man eating dinosaurs and fire and that sort of thing. That happened way back when. So it is very much a survival technique. However, depending on what your experience is, when that does get triggered you can't go. Oh, I just have a fear of public speaking. You feel like, oh, I'm actually going to die here and you can tell me all you want, that it's going to be fine if I stand up there on the stage, but that's not what my body is telling me because the body goes into that physical reaction from the very first time, whatever that particular thing might be it might be the racing heart, the sweating palms.

Speaker 1: 10:27

For me, some of the things that would happen is my throat would literally constrict and I would find it very difficult to breathe. So I understand this topic very well for so many people and that's why I think it's important to explain that. There's a couple of cliche phrases out there, but one of them literally is one of the reasons why I think I managed to start moving through some of my fears, and that was false evidence appearing real, and so when it was explained to me like that, I was like it doesn't feel false.

Speaker 2: 11:04

Yeah, when it was explained to me like that.

Speaker 1: 11:05

I was like it doesn't feel false. Yeah and no, it doesn't feel false. But until you're able to sit with all of those reactions that are happening in your body both mind, body and spirit and emotions and you move through it, you go. Okay, I did survive that. It wasn't the big bad threat of the dinosaur going to eat me, and I actually did well, and now I have a reference point for being able to conquer something. But you have to do it enough times so that the mind gets that message, or that primitive part of the brain gets that message is what I want to say.

Speaker 2: 11:38

Because that's incredibly relatable and I think, even in changing the relationship I have with my fears because we all have them as a part of human experience, part of our growth path but the biggest change in my brain was an understanding that they are my fears and, as I often talk about taking responsibility for what is within us, it doesn't mean that we have all the answers immediately, because if you did, that mean the journey would be pointless.

Speaker 2: 12:02

You're doing a journey with these fears and of why they're there and how they're going to be a part of you moving forward. So when we actually learn how to take the time to explore them, they unfold in their own time and life gives us present day experiences to explore them with, that be, with certain individuals with certain work opportunities, with family friends, like the list goes on of how fears can be presented to any of us and within us in our given day-to-day lives. So we haven't been taught the tools to be able to have that level of self-reflection and to start building that relationship that you and I talk about so often. But when you do that, you can start to actually see the purpose of fear or the benefits of fear, because I think for most of us. We've only ever known the downside of fear of that. If I didn't have this, how amazing my life would be.

Speaker 1: 12:56

I absolutely agree. I absolutely agree.

Speaker 1: 12:58

But you do realize, in the same statement you just said, we're going to have these fears for the rest of our life, and building that relationship with them where, if you had said that to me 20 years ago, I definitely would have changed the channel without a shadow of a doubt, because it wouldn't have made sense to me then because the fear was so intense. And so again, I think it is a step-by-step thing in waking up to what fear actually role it plays in our life, because it felt so instinctual for so long for me and it did feel life or death for a long time. Once I managed to understand that, because I had carried so much of it in the past and that I wasn't going to die, that was the very first thing I had to do. I wasn't actually going to die. I actually lived through a few of these things that I didn't die and so I'm going to be okay.

Speaker 1: 13:55

Did I stop avoiding them at that point? No, because I didn't logically understand it, but I knew I wasn't going to die. So that's kind of like that very first step I think so many people have to get through. And it's after you've conquered that and you've started to have more logical understanding of what you did achieve, after you've gotten through the survival instincts, that you can then start to look at fear in a different way. But I think I want to say, if there's anybody listening out there where it does feel like you're going to die, you're at a beginning stage of experiencing and developing a relationship with fear, and so that is where you're probably going to want to get the most external help at that point, because when it is that strong you can't possibly know you're going to be okay.

Speaker 2: 14:42

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 14:43

And I say that because I remember how strong it was in me and, if I'm going to be really honest, can still be that strong in me in moments, you know. And it still never ceases to amaze me when that primal fear comes up sometimes, how absolutely convinced I can't move forward.

Speaker 2: 15:04

But I think that's what's interesting about when we do feel that fear that you're talking about, regardless of what stage we're at or how it appears. It's not a choice, but it is trying to show us something about ourselves and I think it's asking us to experience, to grow, to explore. But when you haven't been taught that or that's what the messaging is because you're so stuck in the emotion of it's going to be paralyzing our relationship with these individual fears change and the intensities change over a period of time. Of course, things still get triggered in different ways. A lot of these things we don't have control over, but we can educate ourselves on them and, as I was saying, is that life continues to introduce new fears because there are new opportunities to grow.

Speaker 2: 15:49

But, of course, when you're starting off and you don't actually have a relationship or an understanding of how to grow with fear because it's still so paralyzed, and then, of course, it's going to seem like a crazy concept and there's a lot of things about this world. It's like we, a lot of people, have gone through very traumatic experiences. You can also say that there's proof out there of people who have gone through similar experiences, have worked through it, have got to the other side of understanding their experiences with it. But if you haven't been exposed to those people, it's always going to seem like an impossibility that no one has ever gotten through these experiences before.

Speaker 2: 16:19

No one's ever processed those horrible traumas. So it is about who you surround yourself with and whether you actually understand what is even possible to. So of course, kim, 20 years ago, didn't think that the fears she was experiencing, or even myself, 20 years ago, didn't think that the fears that I was experiencing could ever be actually understood, felt or processed.

Speaker 1: 16:41

We didn't have the exposure. One of the tricky things that our mind will do to us is say well, you got through that fear because you're the lucky one, you've had a nice life and you haven't had to deal this. And da da da, because we're constantly doing that comparison. And so when we hold onto that comparison, that your fear can't be as bad as my fear, because you're not feeling it in. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 1: 17:04

It's like but it's very real for a lot of people, and so that is what we have to dispel a lot of the times that we want to validate the fact that that emotion is definitely coming up in us and for us it's very real.

Speaker 1: 17:19

But we have to take the comparison off, because we can't possibly know what anybody else felt or experienced, and while it looks like someone else moved through a fear very easily, you look like you're moving through your fear very easily as well to someone else that's just at an earlier stage of their processing fear, and so I think that's something that we need to mention out there, because we do this. We're in a society today where we're constantly comparing, do this. We're in a society today where we're constantly comparing, and so we always think our fear or whatever we're experiencing, our trauma, drama, whatever it is is 10 times worse than anybody else's, and we have to get past that kind of thinking to be able to explore it, because if we're always holding on to but they're the lucky ones or they're the ones that get to move through it easily, then we're never going to explore our own fear.

Speaker 2: 18:10

Yeah, because I think people think well, if they have a headache and then I have a migraine, you know, no, mine was way worse, you know. But again, how can we actually compare? We can't and, as you were saying there, it's not that we're trying to either. It's, if anything, in seeing other people on their journey or their ability to process whatever they went through. There's similarities in the human experience, in mind, body, emotions, across the board.

Speaker 2: 18:35

Yet, of course, our understanding of that for any of us is unique. But, if anything, it should give you hope that it is possible for you to do that for yourself in your own way. So the human experience can be understood, can be processed, the things that we have gone through can be explored, but we need to do it in our own time, with the right people and the right help and the right information. But only any of us can decide to go explore that when the time is right. It can't be forced onto us. You can't fake it till you make it, but you have to start at the start and start working your way through, as we talked about at the start of the episode.

Speaker 1: 19:10

And I think it's very important to state that. You know, every single person goes through it. There is no person on the planet that doesn't experience fear. Just because of how, what you perceive they're experiencing doesn't mean that they're not experiencing fear at some level. They're experiencing doesn't mean that they're not experiencing fear at some level. And to that I want to go to a story that happened to me and I've shared this before on this podcast, but I think it's important.

Speaker 1: 19:35

When I went to middle school and that was the first time that we changed classrooms and had lockers and whole fun thing back in America I had a lot of fear. I had a lot of fear of people. I had a lot of fear of getting things right. I just was riddled with fear. I could not find my locker. When I would find my locker, I couldn't remember what my combination was for my locker. So by the time I'd get to my locker and try and get my locker open, the bell would ring again and I'd have to get to my classroom and I wouldn't know where my classroom was and I'd be so afraid of that, and so I'd give up on my books and I'd go running to the classroom, slide into the back of the class, my heart would be pounding and racing and I would look around and hear all these kids with their books and they're calm. And I remember I used to get very angry about it because I'd be like, how is it they can do this and I can't, which I just added another fear to the already many fears I had, because I was telling myself that I was somehow failing.

Speaker 1: 20:36

Well, I think that's the other thing with fear that I wanted to bring up is there is no such thing as failing. It's all different levels of experiencing and then becoming aware of what we're experiencing, and each time that we manage to move through something, whether we're aware of the growth or not, we have had signs of growth. So I think it's just, it's an important thing to point out, because we have such a wide audience out there that we want to make sure we cover everybody, because it's one thing to say, oh yeah, we're going to experience it and it's all for our growth and it's a good thing where there'll be half the audience going. Can we just shoot these people? So I'm sure if you've been experiencing fear, you know what some of those, what the common triggers for you are, and I don't even think we need to go into some of those. But some of the common fears, like you said, are fear of public speaking, the fear of failure, the fear of not being the same as others, the fear of not succeeding, not being enough.

Speaker 2: 21:37

As soon as you say the word fear, things come to people's minds instantly instantly instantly, but that is where the journey is and where the growth can be for any of us, and neither of us are trying to overly simplify this topic. We're trying to say that it's easy because we all know it's not, but that is where the journey is. With it, and I do think we are all very uneducated on why fear needs to exist is kind of why we're having this conversation, because we're just trying to bring it to the forefront of that, like most things, that there's eight plus billion of us all experiencing this. It's here for a reason.

Speaker 1: 22:09

It's one of those things, as you say it like when you go, we need to see that fear is here to teach us and that's going to be here forever, that there's an instinctual no that happens inside of me. What are you talking about? I've spent my whole life trying to get rid of the fear. Now you're telling me it's never going to go anywhere. It's that feeling.

Speaker 2: 22:30

Absolutely. Let's take a step back from this week's episode and share with everyone what we've been up to behind the scenes.

Speaker 1: 22:39

We're really excited to be able to finally offer the Gareth Michael community to each of you. The community offers a range of benefits, including access to our live events, weekly podcast episodes, articles, self-checking questions, as well as a community of individuals you can connect with and interact with along the way. It's designed to offer you support, guidance and a safe space on a day-to-day basis. We'd love to have you join our global community of like-minded individuals. That website address, again, is wwwgarethmichaelcom. Now let's get back to that episode, shall we?

Speaker 2: 23:21

And again, that's universal and very understandable, and I think it's saying that our relationship evolves and changes with the fears that we all have individually. Um, but it's like any relationship is that it takes time to invest into it. It's kind of like that concept we talked about before in a previous episode. You have to date yourself, you have to date your fears, you have to spend time with them, you have to invest into them, otherwise how can you ever expect returns or dividends to come back from these things that are so misunderstood? But if we try to delete them, good luck with that, because they're always going to be a part of us. So therefore, if we had been told long ago, this isn't going anywhere. So I'd advise you to start to get to know them now.

Speaker 2: 24:01

It definitely would have been a simpler way to have a relationship with self as we journey through life. I'm not saying it certainly makes it 100 times easier, but I'm saying there's not. At least our logical mind has a place to start and we then have tools that we can use when fear strikes, or we understand that there is something in it for us, and it's not just all downside all of the time, because you can see how that is so draining and exhausting, and then we beat ourselves up and it's just the books aren't balanced when it comes to understanding our relationship for your longer term, and that's why I feel like this is an important conversation to have, because evolving our perspective on it is really important, and we both know that from our own journeys about exploring our own fears.

Speaker 1: 24:45

Well, I think it's also interesting how life teaches all of us, because I think if you had said to me, or anybody had said to me, it's not going anywhere, so you know, turn around and face it, I know which choice I would have made. I know which choice I would have made.

Speaker 2: 25:02

I know which choice you would that's why that detail was hidden from you 20 years ago.

Speaker 1: 25:08

I and I think that's important to know that, because I I really would have gone the other way because it was just so big and so excruciating.

Speaker 1: 25:18

But if we have said that there's something in it for us, and if someone had said to me this is a way to get to know you and to actually see how strong you actually are and of course it's that languaging again then I would have been like, okay, well, maybe Are you sure, because I sure wasn't sure back then and still sometimes today, I know, when I've slid into a comfort zone and I don't want to get out of that comfort zone.

Speaker 1: 25:51

I am probably more aware of it today than I have ever been. And you know, I thought the journey that I jumped on all those years ago was to eliminate the fear and that I would have some point in my life where there wouldn't be fear. And what I can say for people who are at the beginning stages of exploring their fear is, after hearing that devastating news, that it's going to be here our entire life is it does show up differently, and it shows up in, you know, because you gain so much more confidence in yourself and your abilities to move through different things and that resilience has grown. The fear does not have the stronghold that it used to have. It's there, you're aware of it. You know you need to move through it, but it doesn't, it's not all encompassing of it. You know you need to move through it, but it doesn't.

Speaker 2: 26:39

It's not all encompassing as it was in the very beginning but I do want to say is that if we expand this out to say any of our emotions, and even if that is love, if that is sadness, if it is grief, like we all know, how they're all multi-layered emotions that, yes, you know, but they're going to be with us for the rest of our life, and and how we experienced any of those emotions 20 years ago versus how we experience them today, they've all evolved and changed, but they're going to be with us to our last breath. All of them and I think that's the point of the conversation is that and the relationship we have with all these different emotions change and differ from person to person depending on being exposed to and societal understandings and etc. Etc. But they all have something to teach us and show us about ourselves in their own way, when we're willing to go there. And I think fear is an interesting one, because I do think it's something that's often in our face every single day, but we've been taught to bury our head in the sand because we haven't been shown or taught or given the tools to actually understand what it's trying to show us, even when it is hard to see it or even when we don't want to see it, and it's okay sometimes to bury your head in the sand, but to have the awareness and own that, I think, is actually what we need to do for ourselves. But again, I also believe that's not a choice.

Speaker 2: 27:56

It's like 20 years ago Kim wasn't allowed to address certain fears. It's not that she was choosing to run away. Do you know what I'm trying to say? I just thought I don't want to oversimplify this, because I do think these things unfold as they're meant to as we go throughout life, for the things that we're meant to understand is that everything out there is like how do you conquer fear? How do you get rid of fear? How do you get rid of fear? How do you delete fear? It's always about trying to blow it up. Life without this emotion.

Speaker 1: 28:26

Well, I would have been on that bandwagon. I know it's not the point of what this journey is about. I think if we can sit back and look and see that this journey is about growth and evolution and that we cannot grow without experiencing some of these things, because when we first were learning to walk, that was scary. When we were first learning to stand up or when we were first learning to ride our bike, all of it has those elements of fear, but no one brings that logical point to it as we're going through it.

Speaker 2: 28:57

Exactly, and I think this is why, when it comes to when we do eventually want to explore these things, then you have people telling us that you can just delete it. We can never experience fear again because, as you said, it's it's the easier sell. People, of course, are going to buy into the idea of that, but then you actually go through life and realize that all these emotions are doing the journey with you, regardless of how many people told you that you could get rid of it. It's like every spiritual book has promised you spiritual enlightenment and spiritual awakening I, I would, I would agree with that.

Speaker 1: 29:25

But, as you said, everything happens here as as it's meant to be happening here, and I think that little trickster of you can eliminate it, you can conquer it is one of the reasons many of us step into it, because we think, oh, I can conquer this and so I jump into it and then but the layers of conditioning that that adds, it actually extends years of the journey is what you and I often come back to going.

Speaker 2: 29:54

Oh only if I had a known but, that is the journey. So I know we're, so to speak, arguing both sides of it and there is no right or wrong in how it unfolds, and I think that's why, looking back and seeing the journey that any of us go on, it's just, it's refreshing to be able to talk it out and I think that's what goes back to.

Speaker 2: 30:14

It's not talked out enough from everyone's experiences, and I think it can be refreshing to understand that it's always going to be from everyone's experiences, and I think it can be refreshing to understand that it's always going to be a part of us, instead of having an expectation or conditioning that maybe someday I live without it completely. I don't think that's necessarily healthy longer term either, but it doesn't mean it has to control or dictate every part of our lives in the ways it once did right and I agree.

Speaker 1: 30:38

And I would say to you, compared to the beginning of my journey, my fears feel, a lot of the time, almost non-existent. They show up in different ways and it's far more subtle and it causes me to have more self-reflection in order to understand those fears, order to understand those fears, and so that feels a whole lot gentler to me today than what it was in the beginning. But I guess the point I was trying to make is, if I had believed I couldn't conquer them or eliminate them, I don't know if I would have stepped in. So that hearing those words in the beginning is what caused me to step in. And now that I've been into it, I go. And now that I've been into it, I go.

Speaker 1: 31:18

Oh, it's just really showing me how much there's one more step up I can make. I'm just continually stepping up in my own life. It's not stepping up according to society, it's not stepping up in comparison to anyone else. It's about stepping up in my own life and who I am as a person and what I'm meant to be doing here on the planet. Does that make sense? Where I think if we could bring it back to that it's our inner journey and stop looking at what's happening out there and who and what everybody else is doing and how they're walking through their fears. That's going to change the conversation completely within ourself, yeah, and so once we've done that, it's about okay. How do you yourself, through your journey, start to walk through these different fears that are showing up in your life?

Speaker 2: 32:14

So I think that actually brings up some interesting conversations that we need to have in this episode about how do we begin to build a relationship with these fears that we all have, because we've talked about how it can teach a lot about ourselves. It's a huge component of growth. It's not going anywhere, but then it doesn't stop us from obviously experiencing that intensity that we can have, that life can present to any of us any given day. So what are some of the practical strategies that we can lean into when it comes to facing warfare?

Speaker 1: 32:47

I know, for me, the very first thing that I did was having that acronym false evidence appearing real. That really helped me a lot. Like there are a few acronyms out there, but that one helped me the most because I was like, okay, it's not real, it's not really as bad as what I am imagining and what I'm foreseeing in my mind. And so if I can just gradually start to have a relationship with that and start to expose myself little bits by little bits and see that I'm going to be okay and then also starting to really recognize some of the techniques that we've talked about many times on this show, the self-soothing techniques, the journaling techniques, the grounding Grounding is really great. And then, of course, for me notice how I always preface that for me, that's the whole reason present moment awareness became so important Because my mind would jump ahead with the fear so much and it would almost literally paralyze me.

Speaker 1: 33:53

So one of the reasons that practice became so important was because, the more I came back to this moment and would go look, nothing bad is happening in this moment. I am okay. I'm actually okay in this moment. I am not going to die, I just need to slow my heart rate down. I need to be here and see that I'm safe. Then I would take another step forward, and of course, I didn't do that on my own in the beginning. Like we have said so many times in the past, if this is something that is really big in your life, you do want to get some help with it from a trusted source. That's where I would start. What about you?

Speaker 2: 34:34

Because naturally, when we're experiencing fear a lot of us, our minds can worry quite a bit also, and I remember reading somewhere that worrying is worshipping the problem.

Speaker 1: 34:45

Oh, that's a good little phrase.

Speaker 2: 34:48

Being exposed to my fears head on, taking responsibility for them, saying that they're mine, wanting to go talk to the person that I trust about them taking these small steps. It's that for every time I did that, I felt I trust about them. Taking these small steps is that for every time I did that, I felt I was getting stronger and stronger. And yes, that was opening up new fears, because, especially when you push past or you evolve with the old fears that you maybe have carried for decades, then you're exposed to new experiences in life, which comes new fears that you didn't know you had. For every time time you keep pushing that, you do feel stronger and more confident within yourself that you can actually do this life, so to speak. You're able to back yourself in a whole new way of mind, body, emotions and the strength that can come from within.

Speaker 2: 35:29

About that it's a very hard thing to describe and I know you and I both have experienced that I'm sure hopefully a lot of listeners have too throughout many different areas of life. But that system, or that feeling the fear, taking responsibility for it, go talking it out, then putting a plan in place, that system hasn't changed regardless of when I experienced fear throughout my life. As I said, it's not that suddenly you don't feel any fear and you're just running through life. That's an unrealistic expectation that we don't want to set here on this podcast, but finding a system that works for you for any time fear is triggered in order to help you understand where the growth is in it. For you, present day, that's gold within itself, and that formula can be different for each person, but it's your responsibility to understand, okay, what is that for you and to keep moving forward with it once you find it.

Speaker 1: 36:23

What's in it for you, but being able to recognize that, once you've gotten what's in it for you, that's the gift, the wisdom, and that wisdom in itself is what causes the confidence to start to grow. And so, instead of running away because we're so afraid of it, when we can go, okay, if I can turn this around and find out what's on the other side of it for me, and if I can take that wisdom and integrate it into my life, then the world starts to open up in a lot of different ways that we've never experienced before, and so I'm a perfect example of that. You know, I can remember when I started this journey, way back when the first therapist that I saw told me I was a hopeless cause, and so it brings me great joy to sit here today and to be able to talk to other people about how to move through some of this and be able to be that living example of if I can do it, anybody can do it, and people who meet me today do not believe that I was riddled and I mean riddled with fear. That so much. So if you would say hello to me, I would turn purple and red and shake and couldn't talk, and now you can't shut me up.

Speaker 1: 37:43

It's also about celebrating those small wins, every time you overcome one. Really, the way I put it to myself and to a lot of people as they're going through this is I see it as my bank account. Every time I have a win, I deposit, but you have to get enough deposits in there so that if there's a withdrawal, you can cover the withdrawal, and that's how. That is literally how I saw it in the beginning. So every single time I'd rack up a win over one of my fears, it just got stronger and stronger and stronger and I knew I had what I needed to move through the next one.

Speaker 2: 38:23

And I think in us having this conversation, kim because we said we were not trying to oversimplify it continuing to set more realistic expectations of what the journey is, with any of these emotions or experiences, in this case of our fears, is that I don't think for anyone at the start was it ever easy. It's not meant to be, and even the journey with it. Of course there's ups and downs, but with that wisdom that you were talking about and even that strength from within, it continuously encourages us to want to lean into it. But there are certain days where, yeah, we're going to want to bury our head in the sand, regardless of how long we're on this journey. But then you also realize that that's okay too and that is also part of the experience. But then there's always tomorrow, so, like it evolves and it changes all of the time, and that's where having that compassion for ourselves is celebrating those small wins as they happen.

Speaker 2: 39:10

As you said, it all adds up, but it is all part of the growth journey. But, as I said, I don't have many experiences of it being, of this kind of conversation we're having, of being able to be exposed to this kind of information. I know there's parts of me 20 years ago that definitely would have thought this no different to you, and that's to be expected and to be understood and there's nothing wrong with that. But it can be refreshing, I guess, after all these years, for how you and I talk about fear in our own journeys now because, by God, it has evolved a lot for us both.

Speaker 1: 39:41

It definitely has, definitely has. Thanks so much for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, then you might want to check out our online community. We built it to offer you the comfort of having a supportive community by your side, no matter where life takes you. Connect with like-minded individuals through our app. Navigate each step of the journey together with us by joining our Gareth Michael community. Here are a few of the things you're going to get. You'll get exclusive real-time access to live recording and events. Advanced access to each new episode. The opportunity to ask questions directly of Gareth and I. Input into what topics we cover in the show. Access to exclusive content not available anywhere else. To learn more about our community, please go to wwwgarethmichaelcom. Thanks again, and I hope you guys are having a lovely week.