Speaker 1: 0:12

Welcome back to the Practical Spirituality Podcast. We are so excited to have you on this journey with us, where we explore all elements of mind, body, emotions and soul through the lens of everyday life.

Speaker 2: 0:29

Hello Kim.

Speaker 1: 0:30

Hello Gareth, how are you?

Speaker 2: 0:33

I'm doing good. How are you doing this morning?

Speaker 1: 0:35

I'm good, I'm very good, ready to start another day.

Speaker 2: 0:39

And another episode.

Speaker 1: 0:40

And another episode. What are we going to talk about today?

Speaker 2: 0:44

I had an interesting question from a client that I thought would make a good topic for the podcast.

Speaker 1: 0:49

Great, let's hear it.

Speaker 2: 0:51

So the question directly came from this woman. She asked why do I find it so difficult to stay consistent in life and the things that I know that are good for?

Speaker 1: 0:59

me.

Speaker 2: 1:01

So therefore, I thought it would be an interesting conversation in general to have on why we struggle to stay consistent in maybe a lot of different areas of our lives.

Speaker 1: 1:09

Interesting topic. So sure I have so much experience with that one. Oh dear, I do think you know, sometimes I just have to grow through the podcast Like I don't know how well I'm going to do this, but I'm sure we're gonna get some good angles.

Speaker 2: 1:31

Well, I think, like most of the conversations, it's just interesting to talk it out, because I know everyone's life is incredibly different in what makes certain things easy or what makes certain things difficult. But I think when you start to question okay, when I look at my own life, what are the areas that I've actually found it easy to stay consistent in throughout the many years, or the things I've actually struggled with, it does bring up some interesting realizations and some patterns and behaviors and that maybe we haven't had the opportunity or chance or even a reason to actually look at directly.

Speaker 1: 2:03

And sometimes when we look at those, you know they come from an angle that we never even thought could be what is driving it. So I think it's going to be a very interesting conversation.

Speaker 2: 2:14

You know, I think you don't really think about being consistent in life until you're much older or later in life, whereas when you're a young child, it's more about the routine that you follow according to the caregivers or the adults that are setting for you from a young age, and then that routine becomes a huge part of your day-to-day life more often than not, especially when it comes to your education, before school, after school. And then there's also an element of, more often than not, fear involved to follow that routine, fear involved to follow that routine. So that's where I was trying to begin that journey of where does it change from, say, routine to being? You know, where do we struggle to be consistent in life? When is it a choice? When is it something we have to do? The different emotions are associated with that. So what jumps into mind for you as I'm beginning this conversation?

Speaker 1: 2:59

Well, I'm laughing because I'm going. Yeah, I don't remember that kind of structure that you're talking about. I'm sure it was there but I don't remember it. But I think a lot of it comes down to once we start to leave home, leave school, and it's career or financially driven a lot of the times is what I think for the general public. I know for me the consistency was. I know for me the consistency was I've shared it here on the podcast before.

Speaker 1: 3:30

Even in my school years I would look at people and I'd go I don't understand why it seems so easy for them. How do they know what to be doing when I never could seem to pinpoint it? But even more so, that struggle of what are you going to do with your life? What is your career going to be? You know how much, what are you going to do with your life, what is your career going to be? You know how much money are you going to make? And everyone I think no, I don't want to say everyone A lot of people tend to think that if they have that figured out, it's all going to fall into place, and so that's when I think some of the struggle actually tends to come into it because things were mapped out for us before. Now it's not so mapped out and it's not so easy to follow what we thought we were going to do.

Speaker 2: 4:14

I agree Because even in that conversation I was having with my client, which was very interesting, we were backtracking a bit to actually understand the different patterns and behaviors. We were backtracking a bit to actually understand the different patterns and behaviors, so say, the different things that we, that we were talking about where she was consistent in life, we were identifying the fact of the things back over the years when she was raising her family, you know was with her partner, with her career, the things that she was fearful of was the thing she was most consistent in doing, because the fear was driving her need to be consistent. So I I'll give some examples of that. I'm consistent going to work every day, because if I don't go to work, I can't, I'm not getting paid and I can't pay my bills. If I'm not consistent in getting the kids up, feeding the kids, bringing them to school, bringing them home, the kids will be taken off me or what would people think of my family or my parenting style. So therefore, I'm going to be consistent in not to prove x to other people.

Speaker 2: 5:05

So that was where the conversation got interesting, because there's certain things.

Speaker 2: 5:08

Of course she wanted to be consistent and she wanted to be a good parent but, like most things, I think we feel obliged to do. Yes, there's a part of us that wants to do it, but when you go deeper there's often a fear that if I don't do that, because, as we know, we all like an element of routine, we like control, we like to have a structure and anything outside of that feels unsafe. So it just became a very interesting broad conversation of the different triggers that were attached, of the areas that we feel like we have to be consistent in, or we feel like we're forced to, but yet later in life, when we're being consistent for things for ourselves as individuals, in order to do, if it is I want to go to the gym three days a week or want to eat healthier, or it's like we do it for about a week or two and then it doesn't seem to last as long, but yet when it's for someone else and there's fear involved, it seems we can do that forever.

Speaker 1: 5:57

I would really agree with that, but also I'd say the counterpart of that is if you've been raised in an environment where there wasn't a lot of consistency and there tends to be chaos and that becomes the norm, then to get consistent sometimes can also feel very uncomfortable because it's completely out of the norm and it just doesn't feel right.

Speaker 1: 6:24

It's completely out of the norm and it just doesn't feel right.

Speaker 1: 6:26

And you know, there's a couple different areas where I found that this becomes very interesting.

Speaker 1: 6:34

One just recently I was doing some continuing education credits and I was speaking with someone who works with a lot of trauma and the person who we were speaking with started talking about procrastination as a trauma point. And I remember thinking, well, I've never heard procrastination as part of trauma. And then how it was explained to me was that with the fight flight freeze response, once the body gets used to living in that fight-flight-freeze response or being in survival mode for so long, anything else feels unfamiliar. So for a lot of people they don't even check into gear to get going till that fear level hits the point that it hits the trauma and the adrenaline starts to run. Oh, now I can be consistent because this is familiar to me, that fear that, like you were just saying, if it's not done something really bad is going to happen. But I can't motivate until I reach that point because the body just goes there's no urgency here, because that's what the body's become familiar with, and I found that fascinating because I was like, oh, just explained a lot about me, about everyone.

Speaker 1: 7:54

About everybody at that point, because I'd never heard any kind of theory like that and I was like, oh, that's why if there's a deadline, 24 hours before the deadline, I could definitely motivate, but without the deadline, okay, there's no urgency, I don't need to motivate. But also the other flip side that I was trying to say is, if all I've ever known is struggle, if all I've ever known is chaos, then that idea of being consistent and going smoothly is completely foreign.

Speaker 2: 8:28

I couldn't agree more. But that's why I think it is such an interesting conversation, because I feel everyone has their own relationship, struggles with being consistent with themselves or in life in general, and not everyone has had the opportunity or even the reason to, as we talked about, to go back and actually question wait, so what is the root of that? For me, because I think everyone has their relationship with that. So that's why I thought, you know, maybe we should explore this, dive into some of the understandings and even see if there's some words of wisdom we can offer to help individuals be more consistent for themselves.

Speaker 1: 9:05

We'll do our best right, okay, yes, we will do our best. Um, I think there's some clear understandings that I never knew for a long time that we can definitely help people. It's yeah. I think there are a few things as we go down the track, so where would you like to start with it?

Speaker 2: 9:27

If we talk about some of the struggles that are associated with consistency, it goes back to that old tale that you've talked about many times in this podcast about when things don't go necessarily to our plan is immediately I'm the problem, I've done something wrong, I can't do anything right that kind of ongoing story or patterns that we can continuously tell ourselves.

Speaker 2: 9:47

But I think also in today's modern world, we're so used to everything being so instant that the moment that something is inevitably going to take some time especially when it comes to these patterns and behaviors that you were mentioning, that maybe we grew up with in a household, but we're expecting that just to change overnight, and how we respond to something or and how we get results it's a bit unrealistic from the start. So more often than not we don't realize how much we're setting ourselves up for. I don't want to call it failure, but it's along those lines of we're not being able and never had the chance to be really realistic, of just how much time sometimes it actually takes to be consistent and the realities that come along with being consistent and the emotional roller coaster that we're on with it.

Speaker 1: 10:31

Yeah, that immediate gratification, and I think probably more so the generations being raised now really will struggle with it, because I know growing up had to do. We had to have some patience, you know, because things weren't instantaneous and now it is so instantaneous and you know, I don't want to say just generations that are younger than me, you know because I have fallen right into that trap as well. I think it became very easy to fall into the trap of. You know, at the tip of my fingertips I can find any information that I want in any given moment, and so, therefore, if I can find that information out, why can't I change my life that quickly? But it just doesn't work that way. And it doesn't work that way.

Speaker 1: 11:16

For, you know, one of the other things that people say to me all the time is about setting their, their goals. Well, I set my goals. Why can't I achieve my goals? Well, you know it takes that slow, steady. You know, applying to it, that it never happened. No goal that I know of happens overnight. So it is that dealing with the immediate gratification and understanding that we're looking for that long-term gratification, not just the immediate gratification.

Speaker 2: 11:46

And what's that saying? Overnight success takes 10 years.

Speaker 1: 11:49

Yes, yes exactly.

Speaker 2: 11:51

And again so many of those things that we haven't been taught from a very young age, and it's also sometimes our inability to have longer-term goals.

Speaker 2: 12:00

I think sometimes we're very short-sighted in how the things that we want today and really when you actually have a bigger picture and you have a more information, understanding of the journey, of taking the scenic route and not just wanting to be there today is that is.

Speaker 2: 12:13

That is often life as we talk about on the podcast. And then you have to look at some of the realities because, as you were mentioning earlier, say, you go back to the family that we are caregivers, that we grew up with, the education system, different societies that we were a part of. We all have so much experience positive, negative so much unresolved trauma, so much things won't even we don't even know that as trauma, as you even mentioned earlier that we are so often overwhelmed and burnt out that it's actually kind of impossible at times for us to have the energy to be consistent or to continue at a steady pace, because we're actually battling so much on a day-to-day basis but just because we've got used to carrying the weight of the world, we forget that we're actually carrying it. So to actually add anything new into that mix, and to be consistent is actually a huge ask of anyone no experience with that.

Speaker 1: 13:04

And so so you know, and a lot of people come in and argue about that, because this is the new buzzword at the moment on the planet is adhd.

Speaker 1: 13:14

I don't know if you've noticed that everybody has just popped up a few times, it's popped up just a couple and actually having been someone that was diagnosed with what people would call today ADHD at a very young age, way back when before it was a thing, you know there's certain things that point to that lack of consistency when people have that, and so that overwhelm and burnout that you were talking about I have always identified with, because I always felt like I was coming from behind and I had to try extra hard to catch up with everybody else and I didn't understand why people knew how to just do certain things that I didn't know how to do, whereas you've heard me say so many times on this podcast.

Speaker 1: 13:59

You know, I don't think people understand how hard it is to be me which I'm sure 99% of the people listening to this podcast would agree with that but it's a true feeling because that struggle and that burnout I can be struggling and burning out with things that other people find quite easy, and I do believe personally that that is a pattern that has been a part of my life, my entire life. And so back to that theory of I don't know anything else when it becomes smooth and easy, it's like there's this little part of me that goes where's the bomb? We need the bomb to drop, because that's when we're going to feel okay, and if there isn't a bomb dropping, it's like, oh wait, what? So you know that is one of the reasons. The consistency that my emotional and mental and physical bodies used to is that struggle, and so learning to get familiar in the smoothness process is where I tend to fall down a lot of the time.

Speaker 2: 15:07

But I think a lot of people do fall down there. They just haven't yet caught on. That's where they also self-sabotage and fall down, because and this is where having that awareness of what's going on subconsciously versus consciously is actually a really important thing of how often we self-sabotage but then we project that out onto other people, and that's when we talk about so much on this podcast came about taking responsibility instead of constantly saying no, it's everyone else. But when you actually look back, it's interesting to track in any of our lives when things were going too well, what was our actual roles in any of us in the part of it that maybe had that bump in the road that ended up creating some interesting experiences.

Speaker 1: 15:51

Exactly. You know we haven't even touched on some of the belief systems that we grow up with. That can also throw a spanner in the works when it comes to consistency, because there are belief systems that we might have attained at a younger age about how life is lived, you know. So you and I both work with a lot of clients, so we all have those clients who have had parents that have high expectations, and so you're living with those high expectations all the time, and then there's a part of you going I just don't want to have those high expectations, expectations all the time. And then there's a part of you going I just don't want to have those high expectations.

Speaker 1: 16:31

And so then it's that constant battle back and forth, you know, with the emotions of well, I'm used to achieving, but I don't. You know, I want to slow down, and I don't know how to slow down unless I completely sabotage. Or there's the mental barriers that we've been told over and over and over and over again it's not good enough, and so we're constantly striving for that good enough, and those tend to come in and have a major play in our consistency as well. So I find it all very interesting, because some of these points that we're bringing up. I can relate to every single one of them in many different ways.

Speaker 2: 17:08

But I think that's where where even if we bring it back to some of the spiritual understandings as well, in the sense of there's certain times where, if I look back on my own life and I'm sure you look back on yours you can see why there's certain times we weren't allowed to be consistent in certain areas in our lives because it would have led to a very different outcome that wouldn't have led us to where we are in today in life.

Speaker 2: 17:28

So I think it's that when you start piecing all these different pieces together of the jigsaw of why certain things ended up the way they are, it wasn't out of lack of effort, it wasn't out of not wanting to or not trying, it's just.

Speaker 2: 17:40

I do think that's why, when it comes to even spiritual contracts or divine design or whatever we want to call it, you can see why sometimes in any of our lives, why the the plug is pulled out of the socket in some ways and we don't have the energy to do certain things, because I think that's our energy's own way of communicating with us and actually protecting us and guiding us in its own way. But when you're not taught all of this or understanding any of this, I'm not saying it's that simple all of the time. We both know, know it's not, but when you start to reflect on very particular events, you can see why they did unfold the way they did. And then, when you start learning that language about self, you can start applying it to day-to-day and present-day life of why we can be consistent in some things, why we can't and the things that we still have to learn about that, about self.

Speaker 1: 18:26

I agree 100%, and the question with that is how do you know which is which, which takes a lot of self-reflection and then, even then needing someone outside of you to be able to point out like someone pointed out to me the other day something about myself and really didn't like hearing it, I was just like, okay, and what do you want me to do about that? Because this has been a part of me for a long time, even though I know that that it's very hard to understand what's at play at any given moment, because you're in it, you're involved in it. Of all the things that we talked about, am I just chasing that immediate result? Is it because I don't have goals? Or is it because I've got other emotional or mental stuff going on? Or is it because I'm overwhelmed and burnt out? Is it because, as we spoke about in one of the earlier podcasts, how many people can't stand the word failure? But failure is that first attempt in learning and how important that is for our growth, like you were just saying.

Speaker 1: 19:33

And then we have the, the really one today that gets so many people. I call it the shiny bobble syndrome. So in comes the next shiny bobble and it's like all of a sudden oh, there's my attention. I got to focus on that instead of what I was working on and that just looks so much more enticing than this boring structured routine that I've tried to develop for myself so that I am consistent. And there's this beautiful shiny bubble. I go oh, I'll just play with that for a little while. It's very real for a lot of people. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 2: 20:09

Especially in today's day and age, there's more distractions than ever before.

Speaker 2: 20:11

I think, especially with our devices, with how fast-paced everyone's life is, it's much easier to put your focus onto many other things instead of self and these different areas that we're talking about and, like you, can't blame people for that, because it's just a reality of living in today's day and age.

Speaker 2: 20:30

But this is where, as you were talking about earlier, the differences of understanding you know what's a part of this contract or what's designed for us, versus using the spiritual understanding and weaponizing it. What you see all the time is kind of like we, you, we can use a spiritual understanding of see I'm not meant to do that today and I'm like no, no, no, no. You can apply those spiritual understandings to past events, meaning to study them, to understand more about yourself present day, and then that's when you can begin uncovering and working on and collecting more information to understand yourself of why we're not able to be consistent in these different ways present day. But you can study the reasons in the past by using these spiritual understandings. But you and I have seen so many times, as I said, people weaponizing these spiritual understandings, at times against themselves, in order to not have to do the hard work that they know they need to do, because no one ever likes the answers that they end up receiving.

Speaker 1: 21:24

Exactly, you know, and they like to use terms like the universe is working against me or I've been guilty of that one many a time.

Speaker 2: 21:33

Oh yeah.

Speaker 1: 21:34

I'm just not meant to, because the universe doesn't want me to have that. Well, like the universe really cares one way or the other, it's really about my higher self, where I'm meant to be going. But if I haven't done the self-reflection like you said, I don't know what my higher self wants at that point or not. That's just a great. This is, I think, where people get caught up so much, gareth, between this whole idea of the role the mind plays in all of this, because they don't understand that sometimes the mind is our greatest tool that we have, yet it can also be one of the hardest things to work with, because it distracts us so easily, takes us down a rabbit hole that might have nothing to do with where we're supposed to be at.

Speaker 2: 22:24

Let's take a step back from this week's episode and share with everyone what we've been up to behind the scenes.

Speaker 1: 22:30

We're really excited to be able to finally offer the Gareth Michael community to each of you. The community offers a range of benefits, including access to our live events, weekly podcast episodes, articles, self-checking questions, as well as a community of individuals you can connect with and interact with along the way. It's designed to offer you support, guidance and a safe space on a day-to-day basis. We'd love to have you join our global community of like-minded individuals. That website address, again, is wwwgarethmichaelcom. Now let's get back to that episode, shall we?

Speaker 2: 23:12

Well, the mind is just constantly searching for information and trying to understand what it's experienced and what it's experiencing. So when it's not given the information to start piecing things together over an extended period of time, of course it's going to jump to conclusions. Of course it's going to go down rabbit holes. Of course, course it's going to jump to conclusions. Of course it's going to go down rabbit holes. Of course it's going to blow up different things in present day and future, because it does not want more experiences that it can't understand. And that's why I think that's part of the reason why we can't be consistent in wanting to grow into new areas, because the mind is like I've had had enough that I don't understand, I don't need more. Can we go back and learn more about these core values and then start from there and then be consistent? So there's a part of it where we're forcing parts of us to engage in things that it simply doesn't want to, and then we're questioning why isn't it not cooperating? The universe mustn't have my back.

Speaker 1: 24:08

And I have a perfect example of that, you know, and it's one of my favorite stories I like to tell because it was such an eye opener for me when it happened. So there I was trying to get ahead in life, doing everything I was supposed to be doing, following a routine, just putting in the work, really wanting to get ahead, meaning financially at that point, and I couldn't seem to get ahead. I would get so far and that would be it. Something would come up and it would get sabotaged and, of course, I really did believe the universe didn't have my back. And then I was working with a particular individual and a memory came up and they said let's have a look at this. And I was like I don't even understand how this particular memory, which was my father, passing away what does that have to do with my financial wellbeing and my financial goals that I'm trying to achieve?

Speaker 1: 25:02

Well, in the long run, what happened was I discovered through the session that I had made a decision on the day that my father had died because he had made a comment about me and he was right about the comment, but I had been trying to prove him wrong. And then, on the day he died. He said he was a big man, he could admit when he was wrong. I was like booyah, I won, and then he dropped dead and deep inside of me I knew he wasn't wrong. So there must have been a decision on my behalf at some point that, well, if he was right about that, he was right about the other things about me. So I was living to that, what I call a legacy, you know, and not succeeding because I believe that about myself, because of what he had said.

Speaker 1: 25:52

Was that true? No, is that what he really wanted for me? No, but I had unconsciously, not completely forgotten about it, kept hitting my head against the wall until I had the session and as soon as it all came into play, I saw the dominoes drop and I went oh, I need to let go of this because this has nothing to do with today. That was back then. Today it's something totally different. I would not have seen that on my own. That is why we often talk about having someone you trust outside of yourself, that you're working with, can help you pick up some of these patterns and find exactly. You know, I could have used excuse, oh, I have adhd. That's why I don't ever succeed. It's an easy out. Do you know what I mean? But that.

Speaker 2: 26:41

But I often say to people that everyone is on the spectrum of something exactly, exactly, exactly, and so why use it as an excuse?

Speaker 1: 26:50

I mean, it's good to have an understanding of these things, but that is not the reason we are not doing what we are thinking we're meant to be doing at any given moment. It goes deeper than that.

Speaker 2: 27:01

But that's what's so fascinating about this subject, because I think, for reasons why you weren't able to be consistent when you were 14 versus when you were 42, it's completely different. You when you were 42 is completely different. You know you're a completely different person. The patterns evolve and change. The experiences evolve. Your understanding and lack of understanding of the world changes quite a bit too. So this is why, when you explore mind, body, emotions past, present, future and these different experiences, that's why you, you should give yourself the opportunity in present day to want to understand these different parts of you, because that part of you that wants to be consistent in life isn't going to go anywhere. Because you know consistency is important in life and we're going to talk about that in a bit in the different ways of why it matters and the different ways in which we can maybe improve it.

Speaker 2: 27:47

But what I've noticed as we go through life and the older that we get, is that you do have to take a step back to understand. Why is life not allowing me to be consistent, especially when, now more than ever, I'm trying to be aware of it. I'm trying to do it in my best good, I'm trying to do it for other people. I'm trying to make changes, but this is, we both know when we're fighting it. There's no point in fighting life because it's trying to teach us something about ourselves. So that's why I think it's important to understand, not only in why we can't be consistent at this time in our life, because it's different to 20 years ago, but, at the same, understanding in the ways we can start to begin to be consistent and, when we're struggling with that, understand why we are, because they're the lessons that life and your energy is trying to teach you about you.

Speaker 1: 28:37

So shall we dive into that? Let's dive into it. Let's talk about why learning about our consistency patterns is so important today versus then. What do you think?

Speaker 2: 28:41

Well, I think in today's sense, you see, the people's maybe start questioning it more when they start to have more time to themselves again, meaning they're actually starting to become more aware they're doing the journey for themselves. They're starting to realize that a lot of things that they're trying to do for themselves, there's something stopping them from being able to continue down that path. So I think that's where the awareness is, or, over the many years, our understandings about self-changes. Because back when you're in your teens or your 20s, as we were talking about, it doesn't really matter if you're consistent or not, because you feel like you have so much of life ahead of you. You're not reading into anything, you know, you're out for the experience.

Speaker 2: 29:20

It's just a very different. There's less consequences, I want to say, by not being consistent, whereas suddenly, when you're in your 50s, 60s, 70s and you have to be consistent by taking your medication and you have to be consistent about certain things and paying the bills and you're struggling with those basics, it becomes you start to question yourself and even as we talk about start of the podcast, blaming yourself why can't I do that? So therefore, you start to develop more self-questioning than you would in your teens and your 20s, more often than not later in life, because now it starts to present these questions to you in a whole new way in which it hadn't before.

Speaker 1: 29:53

I heard a funny phrase the other day when someone said to me you know, I find this adulting very difficult. I found that very funny because I went, oh, I agree, and that what you just explained is perfect. Because that is true. You know, when we were younger we were so involved in the being and just experiencing that we weren't paying attention. But I think the thing that started me to turn and do the self-reflection in a completely different way was when I read a book by a lady named Christine Northrup Dr Christine Northrup and she was talking about the wisdom of menopause, which, when it was given to me, I wasn't menopausal and I thought why would anybody write this book?

Speaker 1: 30:40

It was beautiful in the fact that she talked about what all of our bodies go through, men and women, at different stages in our life, and how the body starts to signal to us when we haven't had an understanding about something, and the way that. I'm not going to go into how she explained it, but the way she explained it was beautiful and I went, oh, oh. So now I'm going to self-reflect in a completely different way because my body is giving me clues and if I'm not moving forward in the way that I want, because I'm not being consistent with my diet or with my exercise, or, you know, if you are taking medication medications it's your body going hey, hello, hello. You know, I've been with you for the whole ride. I have some ideas about what's going on here and maybe some things you might want to review, and if you review these things in a different way, your body can operate on a much smoother level. Does that make sense?

Speaker 2: 31:42

Yep.

Speaker 1: 31:43

And that completely changed how I viewed my body, where before my body felt like the enemy because it never wanted to do what I wanted it to do and I was like slamming it to do things my way instead of stopping and reflecting and going.

Speaker 1: 32:01

What is it teaching me about this? And so, when we're talking about consistency and a lot of people struggle with the consistency of exercise or eating healthy or taking medication if they need to if you have that, help to look at what your body is saying, because, along with that, when you start paying attention in a different way, you're going to see the emotional side and the spiritual side at the same time, because they work in conjunction with each other. It's just that we've never looked at our body as oh wait a minute. You've been here since day dot. You know a lot more about this than I consciously have even been paying attention to. So I think that is one of the reasons the stock standard out there is to say oh well, we want to build healthy habits or we want to achieve these long-term goals, which are true, we do want to do that, but if we're fighting against ourselves, it's never going to work.

Speaker 2: 32:57

But this is where it's important that we're not overly simplifying the process, as we both know, because it's so different for every person into the reason why they struggle through that in that time in their lives now. But, as you're saying, the ways in which the mind-body emotions start to communicate with us in different ways and our want to actually hear it changes so much as time goes on. But I think that's where maturity comes into it, whereas 30, 40 years ago it just wasn't a priority. But, as you were talking there, I often think about our poor bodies, in the sense of the stuff that the bodies have had to go through over so many years, that it's only inevitable and it makes so much sense that it becomes such a huge part of our healing journey and understanding journey about self down the line. And there's nothing like getting our awareness or getting our attention than our body it knows how to better than anything else.

Speaker 1: 33:57

Absolutely, and so people think it's just. Sometimes it's as simple as oh, I just have to follow this new diet. Well, the body goes. Well, hang on a minute. Before you can follow this, you need to do this and you need to get this under control and that under control.

Speaker 1: 34:12

And I have just found it very interesting through my journey that when I finally learned how to tune into my body, how much more information I got. Like you were talking about the overwhelm and the burnout, I can guarantee you that's something that I overrode for probably the first 45 years of my life Overwhelmed, burnout, don't be ridiculous. Just move on. Just get on with it, just move. You know, you just got to keep going forward. And I had a teacher early on and excuse my language for saying this she used to say to me all the time you know, kim, do you do realize you're pushing shit uphill, like that's not the way it goes? And I was like what do you mean? No, I'm not, because it was just like I'm gonna. I was headstrong. I'm going in here with my conscious mind I'm going to force this to happen I hope my wording to you has been a bit kinder over the years.

Speaker 1: 35:22

I think at that stage, I needed the boulder Fair. Do you get what I'm saying, though? I mean, how many people are going to be able to relate to that? Because we think it is a matter of willpower and it's not always just. I'm going to get consistent now, and we're just going to stay in this straight line, because life doesn't happen in a straight line.

Speaker 2: 35:40

Life likes to get creative and how it likes to remind us of the lessons that we need to learn or look at present day. So let's maybe talk about the different strategies or ways in which we can be consistent and then, if we're struggling with these kind of techniques or ways, how it can tell us so much more about ourselves or be a guide within itself of where we should go, start questioning and looking into oneself.

Speaker 1: 36:01

Well, I think you know there are so many stock standard ways that people will tell you how to start to be consistent and I would say if you're on this journey and listening to this podcast, you've probably already tried all those different ways. So we'll just throw those ones out the window and we'll talk about learning how to sit with yourself, learning how to do exactly what we were talking about, explore and bring some of the expectation of how and what that looks like down to a level of that you can have an understanding of yourself. You know and for me it happened to be that particular book so many years ago, when she explained what the body was doing, I went why is it no one teaches this? Because if I can understand that my body has infinite wisdom and if I just listen to my body, I'm going to start having a whole different understanding. So the strategies to understand that would be starting that self-reflection journey is one of the first things I would say.

Speaker 2: 37:09

I think, especially when we're trying to be consistent, especially when it comes to the journey of self, you really always just start so small. It's not only just starting small in our routines, but it's also in celebrating the small wins in which we're able to turn up for ourselves and instead of when, if we find that sometimes it doesn't go to plan, we do let ourselves down in which way we feel that it didn't go to plan, or do let ourselves down in which way we feel that it didn't go to plan or something got in the way or we were triggered or something happened. It's not to have a negative bias, as you often talk about, and to attack ourselves or be really hard on ourselves. It's more coming at it from the angle of there's something my system is trying to teach me of why that didn't go to my plan, but it's going to my energy's plan and now I have a responsibility to look into it and ask why from a kind and compassionate place. And I think when I started doing that to myself, that would actually made it a lot easier, especially when starting small, because then I was able to digest and understand in the small little ways of why I was struggling with consistency in that area of my life because, again, if we were to start big, it becomes overwhelming, and then how do you expect yourself to be consistent with that?

Speaker 2: 38:19

And then it snowballs, and we've all experienced that so many times again. So this is why you always have to start small and have that little routine and even, as you were mentioning, if that means on a Monday, that you, on a Monday morning, you spend five minutes sitting with yourself and it's just on the monday, for five minutes a week, and be able to do that, then that's a great start. If suddenly, for one monday you're not able to do that, or you slept in or something happened, and then it's interesting to see how our body or mind-body emotions respond to that with the negative bias, and that tells us more we should go look at or ask why or get more information on. Now you and I both want us a tiny example, but it's still. That's enough to get us started with that curiosity of why we're not able to be consistent in those little ways, which is what our energy wants for us is to start exploring those things I agree absolutely.

Speaker 1: 39:10

But the other thing I would say that you said in there that's really important is with the kindness and understanding instead of beating ourselves up, and that in itself is the first small steps of actually going oh wait a minute, rather than something didn't go to plan so I'm going to beat the living crap out of myself. Oh, okay, let's just hold the phone, go back and see what that's about, and that is one of those small steps that you're talking about. Yeah, sure, we can set that routine, like you just said, but for me that was one of the hardest things to adopt the kindness and the nurturing and the understanding and compassion for myself, because I held so many high expectations that I was supposed to achieve at a certain level and if I didn't, it just confirmed some of those old beliefs that I had about myself, and so that could be the starting point the kindness, the compassion.

Speaker 2: 40:11

And because that's not being overly positive, as we often talk about. That's actually balancing the books, so to speak. That's actually you're taking the negative bias, you're being compassionate and kind to yourself, and when those emotions all interact, then you're able to actually ask why, from a neutral place, to actually gain those understandings about self, which is always the most beautiful place to be when it comes to finding out new information.

Speaker 1: 40:34

One of the other things that I would say and I see this a lot, I did this in the early days I would have the to-do list and the to-do list would be very big and overwhelming and demanding in itself and or not have a to-do list written down. I would have it in my head and it would be running around in my head. So one of those small steps is of everything that I think I need to get done, what needs to happen today, and can I just stay here in today? And as I'm just staying in today, then I have a bigger chance of actually being able to work through whatever it is I thought I was going to be able to work through than if I'm holding 25, 30 different things in my head that needs to be done, just chunking it down, bringing it back to today and going okay. So and I know people get tired of hearing this about me, but those early routines that I got taught in early sobriety have I done my gratitude list today?

Speaker 1: 41:36

Can I just pause and point out 10 things I'm grateful for? And why am I grateful? Because that's going to set things up in a different way. That's the kindness and compassion, and you're then starting to train the brain to look for more positive things. Not that it's all about the positivity, but that's one of those small things. And so, when you can start to consistently be able to stay here, chunk down one step at a time, as I used to say. Still say one step at a time. That's what's going to start to build some of that consistency that we're aiming for.

Speaker 2: 42:16

I think, to finish off this episode, it's safe to say that we've all struggled with consistency in different areas of our lives over many years.

Speaker 2: 42:24

But what is stand true for all of us is that there's always been lessons in it or reasons behind it. Once you've always been willing to have that curiosity to explore it. And I think the reality is, when we're being a system of something, there is going to be setbacks at times because, as I mentioned earlier, life happens. So when we do experience that, it's about learning how to respond to those setbacks in mind, body, emotions, internally, externally, and wanting to understand what the lesson is. And if we actually just learn to that skill, we can see how much, how much kinder we can be towards ourselves and others, how much more compassion we can have towards ourselves and others, and even a better understanding of life and why these setbacks do happen and are meant to happen. So it's only when we begin to explore that that I feel we can understand why our relationship with consistency is the way it is the present day, but why we have struggled with it in the past.

Speaker 1: 43:17

I couldn't have said it better. Thanks so much for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, then you might want to check out our online community. We built it to offer you the comfort of having a supportive community by your side, no matter where life takes you. Connect with like-minded individuals through our app, navigate each step of the journey together with us, get exclusive real-time access to live recording and events. Advanced access to each new episode. The opportunity to ask questions directly of Gareth and I. Input into what topics we cover in the show. Access to exclusive content not available anywhere else. To learn more about our community, please go to wwwgarethmichaelcom. Thanks again, and I hope you guys are having a lovely week.